


Yours no more

by IcyTouch



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, Gen, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 07:59:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11939769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcyTouch/pseuds/IcyTouch
Summary: A letter for Koujaku.





	Yours no more

**Author's Note:**

> Was inspired by Her last words and To my parents, so if you recognize some lyrics, yeah, they're from that two songs.

_Dear Koujaku,_  
_I would've told you sooner but you never had time to really listen to me. Lately I just feel like everything around me is from another world, like I don't belong here at all and that's true, maybe. And that's why I started to wear only long-sleeved shirts. You asked me one time and when I told you “Leave me alone” you did. Why couldn't you understand that it meant “Please stay, I need you so very bad right now”? But whatever, I'm not blaming you. It's not your fault, not at all. I should've told you. Right now as I'm writing this, the blood is soaking my sleeves. I hope the letter doesn't get stained. You didn't want to know back then, maybe you want to know now? I'm cutting myself, Koujaku. My arms are a mess and so are my legs, every single part of me is cut open. Even my heart though I didn't know it's possible. It hurts so much inside, this feeling of being different. I'm a fucking freak and everytime I think about it I just want to cry and scream and make it all end. But I can't because you're around and I don't want you to know, or maybe I do. Maybe all I wanted is someone who can understand. I know you tried your best and I really appreciate that, but it simply wasn't enough. Every day is like fighting as a wounded soldier to me, I don't have any power left. I fought for so long, please understand. Please understand that I'm too tired to fight any longer. The blades next to me are like the best medicine I could've ever imagined. They remind me that I'm alive because… If I can't feel like you and everybody else, I can at least bleed like everybody else. I can see that you're starting to blame yourself as you're reading this, but I don't want you to. You don't have anything to do with it at all, no! Maybe you are the reason why I lasted so long, old man. I'm sorry, Koujaku, but this world is not my place. I tried for so long to fix this and fit in, but I never could. I simply wasn't strong enough. But don't cry, please, it's okay, I'll be happy soon. Just focus on your own life, you also have a fight to face, remember? I just can't deal with the pain of fighting, I'm not like you. You're so strong, you would never give up, right? Don't give up. For me. You'll make it, I promise. In a year or so you'll even forget I'm gone, I'm not someone to be sad about and if anything, I hope this makes you even stronger. You're the best friend that I ever had and I'm sorry that I'm causing you trouble once again. Just please remember that you meant everything to me and that you were the only one I really loved. Ah, I know what you're thinking. The one time that we fought and I just told you “I hate you” and ran off? I never really wanted to say that and I never apologized for it, so I'm doing it now. I apologize for saying I hate you when I didn't mean it at all. I apologize for yelling at you because you just wanted to help me. I apologize for ignoring you when I was mad at someone else. I apologize for not paying attention to you when you talked. I apologize for every single time I messed up and made you feel bad. I hope you can forgive me one day for all this. But now, I think it's time to go, I'm running out of space to write. So… this is it. Goodbye, Koujaku._  
_Yours no more,_  
_Noiz_

Koujaku stared at the lifeless figure lying on their bed, curled up tightly, blanket wrapped around his slender body. “No.”, he finally managed to whisper. “No, no, no! You fucking idiot!” He bolted towards the boy, tore away the blanket and grabbed his shoulder. “Noiz, if this is some sort of cruel joke on me you better start laughing by now!” His voice was hysteric and he felt tears streaming down his face. Noiz' eyes were closed and his face held a strangely peaceful expression. His lips were even curled up in some sort of smile. Koujaku slowly placed one hand on the cheek of the blond teenager. His skin was cold and the older man felt like he was going to black out. “Fuck you, you idiotic punk!”, he sobbed and held Noiz tighter, burying his face in the strawberry blond hair of the younger. “Why did you to this to me? I fucking hate you!” He was shaking violently by now, hot tears rolled down his face. “Don't leave me alone, please…”, he whispered and wrapped his arms around Noiz even tighter. But all he felt was his own pulse and his heart slowly being torn apart.


End file.
